Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize
