What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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