I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
