are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
