I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Randomize
