you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
