I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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