I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
