Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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