is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
