how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Randomize
