I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
We named our party play list daddy issues
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Randomize
