There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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