it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
