I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
We left the knife in your bed.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
