Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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