I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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