I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Randomize
