found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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