dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Drake has all the answers
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
