Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
