My sheets look like a crime scene.
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize