her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
