Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
He felt like a one man threesome
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
