I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
I understand Curling. That high.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
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