I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
