Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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