I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
