She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
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