Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize