how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
