That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
i will never coherently bang her
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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