whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Randomize
