I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
