seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
