So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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