it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
