My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
