There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
