Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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