The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
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