you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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