Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
