Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
