she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
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