Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Randomize
