Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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