im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
