just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
