I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
