I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
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