If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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