It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
