I am spending my child support on dildos
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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