I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Randomize
