just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize