Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
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