Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
