I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I stole a fireplace last night.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
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