Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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