Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
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