Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
