woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
