How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
