ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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