Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
