Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Randomize
