yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
