He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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